| kati cathy jordy |
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| 09:33pm 20/11/2006 |
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I know this thing has gotten dusty over the past year
but i guess i have just come to the terms of my mistakes
that i have made in the last year
i have always said not to regret anything because you would not be where you are now, but it seems it is time for me to controdict myself.
a year ago i made a mistake and took advantage of my friends.
now the three of us hardly even talk
i feel like it is my fault in away i moved beyond the point of no return
and left my other two friends by themselves to fend for a friendship that had already developed cracks.
i will finish this later.. |
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| 12:34am 29/12/2005 |
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hold me closewhisper your sweet nothings in my eartell me you caretell me youre differentkiss me make my sparks flyrush my hormonesmake me want to live foreverthink of you when im awakesleep just to dream of youhold me closershow me the party in the back seatmake me dress up for youmake me care about my appearancemake me fall for youbite my neckdig your nails into my backmake it hurttell me im beautifultell me im not a freaksay im special
then fuck me overmake my eyes watertaunt memake me want to dieslash my wrists with your wordsfuck me overstab me let me breath my last breathecut it close to mecross the linelead me onfuck me overmake me curl uplet the smoke caress my bodymake it burnmake it hurtfuck me over |
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| 06:40pm 11/12/2005 |
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WHAT THE FUCK
thats like all i can think about right now.
what the fucking fuck.
Why do i pretend like i am so ominous figure when im not, im no better then anyone else, in the end i am pulling the wool over my own eyes. I knew who he was talking to, i knew who he was texting, i knew who's phone number he was adding to his cell; the proof was there yet i still gave him the benifit of the doubt.
He said he needed to get his shit together, i said okay, i'll wait, he asked if he could ask me out when he has it figured out, i said okay, i'll wait. Call it naivity or whatever you like, but i believed him. The part i didnt know aboiut was when he said getting his shit together, he must of meant putting his toungue down his throat.
Fucked me over good, i'll give you that.
How silly was i to believe his bullshit, the answers were in front of me the whole time, they were on his myspace, his friends, they all gave it away; yet i still didnt believe it.
you probably cant even comprehend how mortified i am. Four people told me about how you two made out, what am i supposed to do?
How could you. You went on about how youre not all that special, baby you are special, you were special, atleast to me. You said you werent like other guys, yet you are just the same, you claim to be different yet you are no better.
Do i give you the benifit? Do i believe it was nothing and it was all that you said it was, or what.
what am i supposed to do?
you tell me. |
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| 06:54pm 24/10/2005 |
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Take the quiz: "Which Celebrity It Girl are You?"
Paris
You are Paris Hilton! You are the most popular girl in town. Everyone loves you, and loves to hate you. People think your a slut because of a few scandals you were involved in....but they don't know the true story. You are stylish and fun and know how to party, and that is why you are the toast of the town! |
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| nonono |
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| 10:36pm 23/10/2005 |
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PLEASE DO THIS FOR ME
IF YOU ARE 18,
VOTE NO! ON THE BALLET TO CHANGE THE TEXAS BILL OF RIGHTS
DEFEND
DO NOT AMEND!
EVEN IF YOURE NOT 18
SPREAD THE WORD
TELL YOUR FRIENDS
TELL YOUR FAMILY
POST ON MYSPACE
DONT LET THIS HAPPEN
PLEASE
http://www.nononsenseinnovember.com
please
re post this! |
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| 06:55pm 17/10/2005 |
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Your Evanescence song is: Imaginary
The real world has taken a toll on you and you
don't want to endure it anymore. It is harsh
and hard to live in, so your solution is
dreaming. You dream and have fantazies and turn
it to your new reality. Zooming-out is not an
unusuall thing for you to do. You can also have
an artistique side in you, whether it is
writing, drawing, singing etc.
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmare I built my own world to
escape
What Evanescence song are you?[many outcomes + wonderful pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla |
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Read 1 - Post |
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| the blue moon! |
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| 09:46pm 29/09/2005 |
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mood:  bored music: lost at sea- eisley
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i think ive figured out why love going to the gym
the beatiful release of endorphins hyelps me keep going
i feel so much more crisper i thrive so much more
its a new self mutialtion(sp)
i havent had a real update in i dont know how long..
so i havent talked to my dad in 4.. months?
yup
happy 4 month aniversy(sp) with you and your fuck up.
its weird, i am still comprehending how small the gay teenage community in el paso is, its so close kit, basicly we all know each other, kinda scary.
recently i have been sort of depressed im not sure why, i just feel like spilling blood, and it takes all i have to not.
my brother came home, its not as bad as i thought it would be.
yesterday he said something to me tht just made me smile.
"i like you but youre crazy"
so for the record we dont hate each other
theres just a mutal understand that we have nothing to talk about basicly
something my mother would never understand.
im so bored...
ive been doing terrible in school lately, im not sure why
i can do the work, but i dont.
i need to like stop using the word love so frequently,
of coure ive said that before and have yet to follow through.
i mean it has basically lost all meaning.
there's only a certain few who i should even say that to:
family, and kati n cathy and such.
so many things are easier said then done
like the little rules that people create in looking for a(n) significant other (not the numbers..) but in teh end, love doesnt abide by these rules.
i just cant imagine how people can be so digustingly upset and turnedoff by stuff that has no effect on their lives what so ever. then they think they have a right to say how closed minded another person is. you know who you are.
people are such hypocrites(sp)
so thats about it.. |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| my proposal |
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| 09:02pm 16/09/2005 |
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mood:  calm
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Dear Mom,
I am writing this letter to you, my dearest mother, in order to request that you would be so kind as to buy me a ferret or I will DIE A HORRIBLE, UNEXPLAINED, TWITCHING DEATH that may or may not involve FLUKEMEN, CLONED YOUTH HOMOCIDAL MASTERMINDS, INBRED REDNECKS, and/or FRANKENSTEIN MONSTERS resulting in my body being found in a MOTEL, DITCH, THE RIO GRANDE, and/or MEAT FACTORY.
Love,
Your Wonderful Son Jordyn
PS:Think of it as an early CHRISTMAS, BIRTHDAY, and/or APOCALYPSE gift. |
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| 06:33pm 13/09/2005 |
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mood: depressed
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Really, it occured to me, that I am what people say they want, but really don't, or I'd have a nice steady boyfriend or girlfriend by now. I'm not concerned with sex in the least, could care less. This is what I want out of a relationship..
I want someone to play Nintendo with, I'm tired of selecting that damn 1 player option on Mario.
I want someone to go outside at night and lay in the grass and look at the stars, it gets boring by yourself after awhile.
I want someone to sit and color pictrues of dinosaurs with me, it's so boring and unrewarding by myself
I want someone to play pokemon and other dumb games with me, I never learned to play, never had anyone to play with.
I want someone to eat grilled cheese with, this is glorious on it's on, but with someone else there, it would be pretty sweet
I want someone to drink kool aid with.
I want someone to hold my hand
But ofcourse, ya know, when you say you want all of this, but I'm one of the only people who really does.
I just want a REAL friend |
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| sticking your hand inside my chest |
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| 04:50pm 06/09/2005 |
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mood: small music: teagen & sara
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i looked back
such bad luck now.
as he walked away, i wanted him to come back and tell me he would stay. As the tears choked my eyes, I couldn't help but to look back, and whisper your name.
By that time you'd left. God I hate this feeling; I want to say it, I cant stop thinking about it but I just cant seem to bring myself to do it. How I try to trick myself into thinking you feel the same way about me. Am I such a fool to lust for you the way I do? I wish i could bring myself to admitting the truth, whatever that is. I couldnt help but to look back.
the words are as small as i feel.
D: |
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Read 11 - Post |
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| 06:13pm 26/08/2005 |
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well
hobos
yesterday
melissa cam over and we went skinny dipping,
thats about the highlight of my day.
well
theres a cute guy in my algebra class
his name is jeronamo
he's a cool cat, and pretty damn upity like me.
i was writing a note to shawna about him, and like yeah
so we were writing back in forth
and like i lef it on her desk and he like takes i and runs
i was like nOoOooooO it said i htought he was pretty damn sexy
then today we were stupid enough to write again, and he picked it up-- again this time i was like he has a really nice ass!
and i was liek fuck. maybe theres a moral to this story, just maybe.
well
thats enough for demionica.. |
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| theorys of the beyond |
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| 08:43pm 19/08/2005 |
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you know whatt
people should have warrinties
you should like be able to take him back to his mamas house
"he's broke. he just lays around making a funny noise."
there should be more pleges
if someone gets on your nerves
some locists could come and just eat their asses up..
but now we got antiboitics, tofu,
we're just here forever..
one day were just gonna be looking at eachother..
it'd be like...
"i see you got up agian today.. you know what you should take up smoking."
'death to you part is too long..'
it should be like 'i'll give it a try..'
itd make more sense.
meh. boring.
girls and guys are really different..
what do most guys fantasize about..
2 women.. i mean why. if you cant satify one why the fuck do you want two?
they can watch two women together and it will turn them on.
you can ask like any girl--
they wont find it sexy to see there husband bent over to some man.
i dont.. know if thats hypocritical on my part
because yes it would be turn on to me for two guys..
wait wtf.. iunno i like confused myself
why..
how..
did noah get ducks on to his ark?
i mean okay theres no land,
"they'd be like, wtf damn it i'll swim, i dont need a damn ark."
and
fish.
wtf.
the flood theory has holes. |
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| 05:42pm 17/08/2005 |
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OKAY BITCHES?!
HAPPY NOW?!
i changed my colors.
hokai!? |
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| 12:18am 05/08/2005 |
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mood:  blank
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Well..
i feel like just fucking curling up into a ball and cry myself to sleep.
So thats it with me and scott? i guess. i mean what can i say, i was really shitty to him, i used to tell him about jose, ryan, and juan.. i just dont know anymore. and now he just wants to be friends. i guess he was the closest i've been to love? i've known him for about half a year.. i've been thinking about him like all summer.. and liek i've felt sorry for the shit i did. iunno, he said he forgives me. but he doesnt really want anything to do with me anymore. i feel like a bundle of joy.
well..
i think i AM actually going to get a new lj, well a special one.
its going to be like so effing private.
so yeah :D.
im gonna get started on it
to get my mind off of things..
this
took forever to write
but its so fucking short.
hobos. |
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demionica's journal
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